The story of Captain Cringe is a sad one that is not worth even being told. As immemorable as their pitiful existence, it is a tale of semen spilled on basement carpets, overflowing bowls of corn puffs staining fingers for days on end between infrequent bathing, and of endless rejection at the hands of their preferred gender identity. Truth be told, we don’t know if sheep have genders but let’s pretend that they do. While their tale is so unremarkable that even their parents have given upon on their pathetic existence, they will be remembered when they shoot up a school or a Walmart while playing their tiny flute in one hand and holding an AR, the only thing that ever made them feel like they mattered, in the other. As per usual, WAXY Assholes are not inspired by real persons, dead or alive, and are not mean to represent any persons, real or dead, or the intellectual property of any given organization.

No utility - No joy! NEIN NEIN NEIN

This "Unloved & Untouched" edition celebrates the beauty of the Captain's late life chastity as they refrain from the urges which take them over when they see sheep.